If your life has been an endless desire to have a woman by your side, but the art of making one your girlfriend eludes you, you may be in need for a few tricks on how to flirt with a girl. Here is a handful of them.

1. Be confident.

Yes, it is that important. Women look for a protector, and a man who lacks confidence hardly looks like one. If you don’t have it, fake it. Women will be the first ones to tell you how far that can take you.

Do not be defensive, nor desperate. Women smell fear and they don’t like it. Cockiness is a better choice, even if you don’t want to take it too far. A man who seems to know what he wants and how to can get it is irresistible.

If confidence is not your middle name, do your homework before you step up to talk to a girl. Know beyond the first line what you want to say or ask, what you intend to do, and where you want to get. Don’t let anything happen. Being prepared will give you control over the situation – and confidence.

2. Have a plan.

There is nothing more annoying to a girl than a man without a plan. Women like to be led, not to have to work when they are on a date. When she asks you, “What are we doing tonight?”, nothing kills the romance faster than answering, “I don’t know. What do you want to do?”

Women will work on a relationship when this is already in a solid state. However, to ask a girl to fill your shoes at the beginning of one will dangerously undermine your chances of success. Have a plan when you approach her, when you talk to her, when you take her out. In fact, always have a plan. It is hard work, but it pays off.

3. Be natural.

Everyone will tell you to be yourself, but how exactly do you do it without putting her on the run? After all, it may be that, in your most natural state, you are desperate, needy, scared, unsure, and frightfully awkward.

You have probably heard that spontaneity takes practice. It also takes practice to feel good in your own shoes. Before stepping up and trying to impress the girl you are dreaming of, spend time in with other women, get used to their company, learn how to talk to them and follow their reactions. Be proactive in learning how to flirt with a girl. Crying in your beer with the guys won’t bring her into your life.

4. Listen

Women like to talk and love a man who listens. Do not ask her questions she can answer with “yes” or “no.” You will need lots of those to fill up the space, and they will make for boring conversation. Start your questions with “why” and “how,” then be genuinely interested in what she has to say.

If she asks about you, don’t lay out in front of her all your life story. A touch of mystery never hurt a man. Keep your stories contained, and offer her the time to talk about herself. Most of all, don’t complain. If your boss makes your life miserable, she doesn’t need to know it. Remember, you are inviting her into your world. Make that world worth visiting.

5. Laugh.

Many women rate a good sense of humor as one of the most important qualities in a man. This is not accidental. Knowing when to crack a joke is a sign of intelligence, and intelligence is a tool of survival. Their preference for men with a sense of humor is therefore part of women’s biological schema.

However, don’t overdo it. Trying desperately to be funny will only make you look creepy. You want to offer her a good time, not turn into a clown.

6. Be subtle.

You really want that girl, don’t you? Try not to show her how much. Don’t tell her right off the bat that you like her. Women are often told that men love the chase, but they love guessing too.

Have you noticed that the most coveted men in the movies seem to always wear a mask of impenetrability? While becoming another James Bond who needs a crane to move a facial muscle is hardly a good idea, do not wear your heart on the sleeve either. Be a bit elusive. Don’t offer yourself on a plate, and don’t turn into her servant who does everything she wants. Be courteous, while still keeping your identity and pride. Women like men who value themselves.

7. Surprise her.

Girls love being surprised, and adore being characters in a story that doesn’t fit the general schema. Instead of sheepishly stepping up to her and placing your awkward line, make a nice gesture. If you are in a bar, send her a glass of wine with your compliments. If others invite her to the movies, step it up a little and take her to a picnic under the moonlight. Be original, and you will stand out.

8. Go slowly.

Women like men who are aggressive, but it is a sort of contained aggressiveness that they adore. A man who seems to be able to rummage the place, but chooses to be tender, is a winner. By the same principle, control your desire to be with her. Do not be sexual right off the bat. Do not invade her personal space. Knowing how to flirt with a girl is knowing at every step your boundaries.

9. Don’t ask her for advice.

Men who do not know how to flirt with a girl often make the mistake of inadvertently confessing it to those they are trying to flirt with. “Women like compliments, don’t they?” or “You women like jewelry” are lines that, beyond being mere platitudes, suggest insecurity. Stop yourself from making assumption about women in front of them. Girls prefer their men experienced. If you are not, at least pretend to be.

10. Relax.

Flirting with girls should be fun. Relax, and just do it. Women are more forgiving than you think, and will love giving you a chance.